Resting b!tch face

I recently made a post on social media saying, “Botox is not about vanity, it’s about nonverbal communication.” I told the story of a woman who came in for treatment because she said she was sick of people commenting on her facial expression, asking her why she was angry, when she wasn’t.

The response to the post was noticeably split into two groups. One group, mostly women, who gave it a thumbs up or similar response, and a second group of mostly men who made comments like, “oh geez.”

Of course, I can’t really know what that second group was actually thinking, but they seemed to think my claim was laughable. It’s so ironic, though, because I’d bet a lot of money that every single one of them has heard of or used the term “resting b!tch face.”

And I don’t blame them! History has brought us to a place where women are expected to be pretty, but without effort. Women’s bodies should be skinny, but not too skinny. We should be smart, but not assertive. Our facial expressions should be pleasant and relaxed, but we shouldn’t get Botox. I could go on and on listing the “shoulds” that history has brought us to.

Honestly, some women are no better. I’ve gotten lots of comments like, “I don’t believe in fake anything” (from a woman who obviously dyes her hair). But these proclamations of disapproval only come from a place of fear.

People who denigrate others on social media are just scared. They need other people to stay the same, and always agree with them, in order to be ok. To them, anyone who grows or changes or disagrees is like a crouching tiger waiting to strike.

We are not, of course, crouching tigers, nor are we about to strike out at anyone. In fact most of us who are experiencing growth are moving away from conflict and toward peace. Peaceful disagreement, peaceful resistance, peaceful awakening.

The third group of commenters I’ve seen recently are the peaceful ones. The ones who say, “Botox isn’t for me, but others should go ahead and do what makes them happy.” I invite you to participate in civil discourse on social media like these peaceful ones. Acknowledge your differences, and peacefully allow others to be themselves.

My mission at Relevé (and in life) is to bring light into the world by inspiring others to shine bright. Even on social media, where darkness can feel oppressive, we can be bright lights together.